Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
