Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
