haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
