Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
