I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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