I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize