cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
