It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
