So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
