Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
