I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
