He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
