I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
only if we run a train.
done.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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