I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
