I will die if light touches me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
