Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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