that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
