At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
