i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
