Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
