There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
