dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
