I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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