I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
