I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
