I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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