he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
