She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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