Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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