Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
me + whiskey = a bad person
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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