When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
