yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
