How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sobbing to NWA
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
