Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
