Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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