i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
