ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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