I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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