i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
