I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
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You made out with two different species that night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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