At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
