I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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