That's intense
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize