are you still at the devil's house?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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