worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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