Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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