Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
