I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
