I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
