what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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