so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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