I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
