Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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