he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hippo gnu deer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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