I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.