Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine