And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.