did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.