you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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