I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
