I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
