Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
