its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
