does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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