god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i already hear my dad disowning me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
