Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
