Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
