Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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