This is not my ceiling
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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