I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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