the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
