my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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