I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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