Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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