I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
