and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm really busy with my period
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