It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
